Not How I Planned It

I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  I envisioned having two or three children and being a stay-at-home mom. Why not?  That's what my mom did. At the same time, I always wanted to be a teacher.  In fact, when I was a kid, my cousin used to ask me why I wanted to be a teacher when I did well in school and could make more money doing something else.  

Early on in marriage I started to learn that life rarely goes according to plan.  A few years into marriage and having friends who were starting  to have kids, I started wondering why my time hadn't come.  We weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, yet I wasn't pregnant.  

One day, while crying on the phone to my mom about how “so and so would probably be grandparents before we ever had kids,” my mom told me the possible reason.  When I was l six years old, I required surgery because of very painful bladder issues.  One danger of the surgery was the possibility that I may not be able to have children.  My parents weighed the costs against the excruciating pain I would regularly wake up screaming with, and chose the surgery.  They did not explain the “possible side effects” to me at the time because I was too young to understand.

So, I went on with the hope that maybe, someday I would be able to have a baby.  At that point, part of my plan was actually realized, I was teaching.  Better yet, I was teaching at the school I attended as a child.  Of course, I still wanted to be a mom and shed many tears after going to baby showers for friends or seeing young mothers with new babies.   But, I was learning to trust that God was in control and to understand that His timing was often very different from my own.

Fast forward to four years of marriage, still no baby, and my husband decided to join the Army Reserves.  About a month before he left for Basic Training we discovered, SURPRISE, I was pregnant.  We were thrilled, but, if only the timing had been before he joined!  Again, we had to trust God’s timing and plan.

After our son was born, we settled into life as parents.  I left teaching for a time to be a stay-at-home mom.  We saved what Christian grew out of for “the next one.”  However, the older he got (and I got), the less likely it seemed there would be another baby.  Even though I was so happy and thankful to have a child, my heart ached for another.

At some point, I’m not sure exactly when, I learned to accept the fact that we had an only child, not just an “only child for now.” I was already thankful that I was able to become a mother to an amazing baby boy.  I also learned that families come in all shapes and sizes and that having one did not make me less a parent than if I had several.

Life rarely turns out according to plan, and that is okay because I am learning to trust that God's plan is always better than mine could ever be.