Better Because He Lived

He was humble.  He was not someone who would be remembered for amazing accomplishments or any claim to fame.  Yet, the fact that he lived and how he chose to live made a huge impact on those who knew him.  Those who knew him are better because they did.  

Dad was raised during a time when children often had to work with their parents to support their family.  I believe this helped develop a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility to help others at an early age.  He entered the Navy at a young age, further developing his sense of duty and sacrifice.

When I was a child, I thought my dad knew everything.  It seemed like he usually had an answer for any question I had.  He was an avid reader, had traveled extensively through his military service, and had a great memory.  All probably helped him be able to amaze me with his knowledge.  As I got older, I admired him more for his wisdom.

My dad was also an excellent provider for his family.  I never felt as though I lacked anything, yet we were not what most would consider rich.  In fact, I remember him once saying how he wished he could give me more.  Dad not only took care of his family, but he was also very generous to others.  He provided financial help to others, lent a hand when one was needed, gave rides, and provided a place to live to various extended family members at different times.

If you needed a laugh, my dad was sure to provide.  He had a quick wit and loved to playfully tease people.   And, he could say funny things without cracking a smile.  When I was little, there were times that I wasn’t sure if he was serious or joking.  His sense of humor was charming, and it served him well throughout his life.  In fact, one of the workers in the assisted living facility started calling him “Hercules.”  When I asked her why, she said that once she had come to his door to bring him something, and he jokingly told her she was just there to see his “herculean body.”  So the name “Hercules” stuck.

Even though my dad had heart problems for many years, he had the biggest heart of anyone I know.  His love for my mom was so tender and kind, despite the impact of dementia on her mind and behavior.   Many times in both my childhood and adulthood, I saw him show compassion to many, both strangers and those we knew.  He was consistent in putting others’ needs before his own.  And, you could not find a more devoted dad, grandfather, and great-grandfather.  It was a joy to watch him with his grandchildren and great-granddaughters.  Each knew they were deeply loved by their papa.

 His absence is greatly felt, not just by his family, but by countless friends and acquaintances as well.  I was reminded by a friend recently of just how blessed I am to have had such a good dad, and that not everyone is so lucky.  I am forever grateful to my heavenly Father for giving me such an amazing earthly father, and I look forward to the day when I can see him again.

A Little Less Crazy, PLEASE

Have you ever had a period of time when crazy, random events keep happening?  One of those times where you just want to throw up your hands and shout, “Are you kidding me?!”  The past couple of weeks have been like that for me.  It’s a good thing I have a good sense of humor.

The first strange, recent event happened after I stopped at the strawberry stand for half a flat of strawberries.  I was on my way to visit my dad, who had just come home from a stay in the hospital.  I decided to take one of the baskets to him.  As I was carrying it into his assisted living place, one of the residents, walked up to me, reached over my shoulder and said, “Let me try a strawberry,” as he proceeded to try to grab one.  I turned quickly and pulled away the basket, telling him they were for my dad.

Then, about a week later, we were at the hospital again.  This time, Dad was in the ER, and my sister and I had gone to get a coffee.  We were heading back in with said coffee, when this guy tried to grab my coffee.  Again, my quick ninja-like moves, saved my coffee, and my big sister (always my protector), yelled at the guy to leave me alone.

The last “crazy” thing, though, was definitely more upsetting.  Fast forward another week, and I was leaving my nephew’s house.  My sister and her daughter were in the car ahead of me.  I was stopping at a redlight, looked up in the rearview mirror, and noticed that the woman behind me was looking down (likely at her phone).  I caught her wide-eyed look and her mouthing the words, “Oh no” as she realized she just hit me.  I motioned for her to follow me to pull over.  She acted like she was going to pull behind me and promptly sped away.  Thankfully, there was relatively little damage to my car (which I am wanting to replace), and no damage to me (which I can’t replace).

Needless to say, I’m not sure if I just need to stay in bed for a couple of days to avoid any more craziness.  However, I am up and hopeful for what this new day might bring.

In the Most Capable Hands

“I know you’re able and I know you can.

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if you don’t

My hope is you alone.”  MercyMe

The lyrics from MercyMe’s “Even If” are so powerful and speak to my heart.  The story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego which inspired the song tells of three young men who trusted God completely.  The king had built a huge statue and ordered all his subjects to bow down to it or be thrown into a fiery furnace.   These three chose not to obey the king. Instead they obeyed the One who was “able to deliver” them from the furnace knowing that “even if He does not” they would obey Him all the same (Daniel 3:17-18).  What amazing trust they exhibited!  Yet, they were still thrown into the furnace.  God did not save them from it but chose instead to walk through it with them.

How many times do we pray about a situation and talk about how we need to “put it in God’s hands?”  What a funny expression that is, like it wasn’t already in His hands in the first place.  More accurately, we need to trust what God will do with the situation.  So many times, I think I know the best way for a situation to be resolved.  God is teaching me to trust what is already in His capable hands, that He will always do what is best, even when it is not the answer I want.  One wise friend explained it to me as praying and waiting to watch His plan unfold.

Waiting.  That is the hard part.  And trusting.  If I think back to past prayers and how they were answered, God has a proven track record.  Years ago, when I was finishing my college degree, I was on the waiting list for the teaching credential program.   Things were not turning out according to my plan.  Then I heard of how the Christian school I had attended had some openings.  Maybe this was the direction God had for me.  So, my husband and I made plans to move back to our hometown.  However, I did not get either open position.  How could God not make a way for me to get into the credential program or into one of the open teaching positions?  Okay, so it was not a life or death situation like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego faced, but it felt pretty serious at the time.  

God’s answer to the prayer was not a definitive “no” like it seemed, but a “not yet.”  He had a better plan, as He always does.  Some months later, I learned that the teacher who had taken sixth grade was going to be moving due to her husband’s job transfer.  I was offered the job and even had the benefit of working with her for a week and learning from her expertise.  Plus, the other teacher who had been hired became a mentor to me.   I would have been lost as to where to begin had I been hired from the start.  But, God’s perfect timing provided the best path for me to start teaching and eventually earn my credential.  I learned so many valuable lessons along the way.

It will probably always be hard to wait for God’s unfolding plan and His timing, but I am learning to trust that His way is best.  He sees the big picture, and I don’t.  My hope needs to be Him alone.

Savor the Season

Living in an area that has been suffering from extended drought, recent rain has been very welcome, up to a certain point.  It is funny how it can be with weather.  When it has been raining for several days (at least in California), we are ready for sunshine.  When it is sunny and hot, we are ready for cooler weather.  It seems like no matter the season, there is always a reason to look forward to the next season.  Each one brings something we look forward to enjoying, especially when it feels like we've “enjoyed” the current season too long.  

There are also seasons of life.  One of the best pieces of wedding advice I received years ago was to not worry about the day but to focus on enjoying it fully.  The same advice can be applied to seasons of life.  Each season brings different joys and sorrows, yet instead of wanting to get through one season and on to the next, it is important to make the most of that particular season.  Soak it in because it will not last forever, and you may find you missed it.

When my family was in the midst of dealing with my mom’s dementia and varying health issues, it was a particularly trying season of life.  It made me think more about aging and grapple with some fears about what that might bring in my own life.   It also reminded me that life is fragile and tomorrow is not guaranteed.  That awareness made me want to focus more on relationships and making the most of the fleeting moments I am given.  I want to experience and savor those moments, instead of wishing I could return to a different season of life or move on to a new, “grass is greener” kind of season.    

A quote from this morning’s sermon, sums it up well, “The moments we can share heart to heart with someone are some of the best moments.”  

Observations on Love

Love is more than an emotion.  

Love is doing the hard things.

Love is losing sleep, getting up in the middle of the night to soothe a sick or scared child.

Love is changing diapers and reading the same story over and over and over again.

Love is choosing to say “no” when the easiest, though not best answer is “yes.”

Love is willingly putting someone else’s needs first.

Love is giving without expecting anything in return.

Love is doing what is right, even if it is not popular.

Love is not about you but about the one you love.

Love is simply being there.

Love is  lending a hand or an ear.

Love is the daily ins and outs of friendship, raising children, and marriage.

Love is the greatest gift.  

And the greatest gift of love was given with outstretched arms by a one and only Son of a loving Father who loved us more than we could ask, imagine, or deserve.

Tribute to a Beautiful Woman

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl who did not realize her true worth.  She had often been told she was pretty while her sister was told she was smart, so she thought she was not smart.  She started school at four years old so she would be a grade behind her sister (instead of two grades like she was supposed to be), and this further reinforced the feeling that she must not be smart.  As she grew, her sister loved to be away from home while she stayed home to cook and clean.  She was always very responsible.

As time went on, she chanced to see a friend whose brother was home on military leave.  The friend wanted her to meet her brother, but she did not quite feel up to doing so.  The friend pressed, and this now beautiful young woman gave in, a decision that would change the direction of her life.  For, at this meeting, she met her Prince Charming, the love of her life.  After four consecutive dates, this young woman was braver than she realized and took the step to elope with her Prince.  The two then moved far away from any family and started their adventure together, an adventure that would last 55 years.

Even though she often felt insecure about her worth and never quite smart enough or good enough, she dedicated herself to be the best wife and, eventually, mother she could be.  She even managed on her own to take care of her toddler, while pregnant with her second child and waiting the chance to join her military husband in Japan.  This beautiful woman was certainly much more capable than she realized.  So much so, that she later took care of her family through her husband’s service in Vietnam, dealing with various childhood illnesses and the like all on her own.

When her third child came, she suffered complications that scared her family that they might lose her.  Yet, she was stronger than she knew and survived to give her baby girl the chance to later tell her story.

Though the woman was insecure about her abilities, she went to college and did very well.  She earned her certificate and taught briefly as a preschool teacher.  She later served as a school librarian, a job she thoroughly enjoyed.  She often said she would have loved being a Kindergarten teacher.  The closest she came was serving as a volunteer in her daughter’s first grade class.  

This beautiful woman committed herself to the needs of others.  She later became beloved “Granny” to several children she babysat.  She helped her children with her grandchildren.  She taught lessons on the church Joy Bus and lovingly taught Sunday school for years.  This woman had such a heart for others and often invited those who were alone over for meals and to join her family during the holidays.  She was a friend to young and old alike.

Even when age, illness, and difficult life circumstances took a toll on her “happily ever after,” she still made those around her feel important and loved.  She eventually was unable to stay in her home.  It was a difficult transition, but she became such a bright light to those around her in the nursing home.  She knew many people by name and greeted everyone who passed by her door.  She prayed with and for other residents and spoke up for those who no longer had the ability to do so.  Visitors and workers would come by her room for a smile and a kind word.

It was a sad day for all, when the Lord called this beautiful woman home for her reward.  While she may never have realized how smart and strong she was and what a blessing her life was to so many, I am thankful that I was blessed to call this beautiful woman my mother. She taught me so many valuable lessons in life and instilled in me a belief that I was capable of being whatever I wanted to be in life. Most importantly, she taught me by example what love is.

Finding Humor

They say laughter is the best medicine.  Thankfully, I grew up in a home where laughter was heard often.  Anyone who knows my dad, knows he has a quick wit and a great sense of humor.  There were times as a kid where I wasn’t sure if my dad was serious or joking.  We even found humor in things that others might not.  In fact, my mom used to say, “I had to laugh to keep from crying.”

The ability to find humor, even in difficult situations and circumstances was helpful “medicine” as we dealt with the challenges brought on by my mom’s health issues and dementia.  One such situation was when my sister and I were at the ER with my mom.  They were going over test results and one of them said she had marijuana in her system.  My mom did not even drink, much less smoke pot.  We knew it was a mistake, but it also became a joke.  My mom even patted her stomach, and said, “Here’s my pot right here.”  With all three of us hysterically laughing, I’m sure the medical staff was even more convinced that there had been no mistake and that we probably all were “under the influence.”

When my mom was in skilled nursing, there was always something to “laugh about to keep from crying.”  Like how competitive my mom became with Bingo.  She had particular cards she had to get, and she wanted to arrive a good twenty minutes early to make sure the “hesh” (mom wasn’t sure if it was a man or a woman) didn’t get HER cards.  We also found humor in how my once extremely patient mom would talk about how that lady who yelled down the hall just needed to “shut up!”   And, when we left the facility after a visit, my mom had a routine of waiting in the lobby and watching us leave.  She wanted us to pull up in front and wave at her.  I guess my sister-in-law forgot once, and we all never heard the end of it.  She would remind us every time to pull up and wave, and when I said I would try, she would say, “Well, you forgot last time.”  Again, we had to laugh over it.

Seeing my mom suffering from dementia was not funny, but, finding humor where we could, helped us all cope better with the sadness. It was a blessing that she did not lose her sense of humor despite everything else she lost, and she was usually laughing right with us.  As we grieve losing her, remembering and laughing again over what was funny, is good medicine.